Written & Photographed By Patty Older
[From the 2025 Fall Magazine]
As I write this, I am getting ready for my next adventure – a road trip to Wilkesboro, North Carolina. I made plans last winter when I came across the only U.S. concert by Canadian artist, William Prince. He is the reason I found the four-day music festival – MerleFest. There are others planned as well…including Bonnie Raitt, The Avett Brothers and Watchhouse.
In my journey to live each day to its fullest and not wait on tomorrows, I met the challenge to go to a city where I know no one and stay for four days. My mind plays out dozens of excuses not to go. I am pretty much broke after a couple of expensive expenditures, do I want to use up vacation days so quickly – Lord, what if I got sick and needed them? and can I really do this?
Recently, I ran into an acquaintance at the supermarket I had not seen in 10 years or more. She had read my columns in this magazine and wanted to let me know my articles have been such an inspiration to her. Her true sincerity was humbling.
Trying to find a direction in life after any major life alteration is not for the weak of heart. I know I have had my fair share of good days and bad days in the five years since my husband passed. There are times when the tough days far outweigh the good days. But I have come to recognize life doesn’t happen tomorrow, nor yesterday. It is happening right now in the moment.
I recently celebrated my 69th birthday. It was a beautiful day – the sun was bright, and the air was fresh - and I received so many well wishes from friends and family. It is a bittersweet milestone and next year I will leave my 60s behind and embark on the next decade. Trust me – these days fly by faster than any - ever. One of the reasons I go on these adventures and push my comfort zone to its limits is I am on the downside of days I can count on. We never know when our time will be up. I do everything I can to not fret about the little things anymore – if a scientist could truly ever get inside of a woman’s mind in the middle of the night as she lays there in bed, every scenario of every interaction playing out over and over again, it would be a scary thing!!
Even so, I pick my battles carefully. I do not want to be one of those people who regrets their life at the end of it. When faced with death, I do not know of anyone who said I wish I had mopped my kitchen floor more often, done more laundry or washed every single dish after dinner. Instead, hospice doctors and nurses report that people regret not doing more; not stepping outside of their comfort zones more often; not embracing the unknown over staying comfortable in their familiar worlds.
And major life changes can be just about anything. A child going off to college, the end of a marriage or relationship, a medical diagnosis. Grief can visit us over the tiniest changes in our daily lives.
As my husband and I were facing his prognosis, one thing he stressed that he wanted for me was for me to embrace life to its fullest – he even talked of single friends he thought would make a good husband to me. He made it clear he did not want me to stop spreading my wings – he wanted me to live each and every day.
Most days, especially the really good ones, I miss Jimmy even more. I wish he was still here to enjoy these things with me. But we cannot undo death. There are no second chances. No redos.
So, I am not waiting for tomorrow to get here…I’m off to North Carolina.