Meghan Fritz is a Licensed
Clinical Social Worker at
Fritz, Stanger & Associates.
Do you have a question or topic, let me know…
Instagram: @Puttinonthefritz1
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"I always feel a sense of dread when Father’s Day is approaching, I don’t have a great relationship with my dad and I experience stress and sadness leading up to the day.
Why is this day so difficult for me?"
One of the things I do as a therapist is take a deep dive with my clients around their childhood experiences. I specifically ask about their relationship with their parents and how they experienced love from their father and mother. From a spiritual perspective, our fathers shape our identity and self-esteem. How we see ourselves in the world, what we perceive to be our strengths and weaknesses, and the core of our identity.
A father wound would show up as an adult who struggles with depression, struggles to feel a sense of security and well-being, often feels lost or alone in the world. Even in a room full of family and friends a person with a father wound would experience a feeling of isolation and a sense that no one understands them.
This comes from not having an emotionally present father who took the time to nurture and shape your identity and encourage you in areas of growth and development.
The road to healing involves being able to process your sense of grief around your experience with your father. Taking the time to do this involves nurturing the small child in you that felt invisible and undervalued.
One of the benefits of therapy is working with someone who can help you to process unresolved feelings of anger and walk with you on the path to healing and peace.
If you have a difficult relationship with your father, approach Father’s Day from a place of protection. Do not put yourself in a situation that will trigger old wounds and lead to a day full of stress and dread. Have a plan of what you will do and how you will celebrate.
If being around your father causes anxiety, send a note with a memory of something positive that you experienced. Be proactive around the plan that works best for you. Do not buy a card that feels inauthentic to your experience, you can acknowledge the day without putting yourself in a position of people-pleasing behavior.
As we age, our childhood triggers become more painful the longer we avoid them. Holidays can trigger old wounds that have not been addressed. One of the best gifts that you can give yourself is to address areas of unhealed wounds. When we stay in a place of hurt and anger we carry on that trauma to the next generation.
Forgiveness is not necessarily about having a relationship with the person that hurt you, rather, recognizing that their inability to be the parent you wanted and needed comes from their unhealed trauma. When one person in the family decides to break generational trauma, you offer freedom to the next generation.
If you have a father wound, be kind to yourself this month and plan a day that keeps you safe and full of peace.
Do not give your energy to people, places and things that steal your joy. Do what works for you and get the help you need.
You are Worth it!